The Emotional Cost Of T1D

I fight a battle against my body every day, One that doesn’t end, with no breaks, and no finish line. I keep fighting even when I am tired, weak, or when I feel I’ve had enough. I fight for my health in more ways than others understand. Until there is a cure.

I don’t consider diabetes a completely “invisible” disease since there are some aspects that can be see. Wearing an insulin pump, injecting insulin in public, checking your blood sugar are all clues of Type 1 Diabetes. These things however aren’t even the tip of the ice berg! Following my recent episode of DKA I’ve had several loved ones point out that they don’t really think about me and diabetes that much. Needless to say the situation scared my loved ones and brought T1D to the forefront of the conversation. I am very thankful for this.

See, that’s how T1D is… it’s able to stay in the back round until it makes it’s presence know. Complications can come on quickly, seemingly out of nowhere and sometimes be sorted out just as quickly as they appeared. This doesn’t make it any less serious or critical. T1D is relentless and the goal post keeps moving. This is not to say that it can’t be managed but sometimes it’s a battle. There are times when I feel like a slave to the numbers on my glucometer and my A1c results. I make a thousand decisions a day that all impact these numbers and some days no mater how “in control” I am, the numbers don’t add up. It’s frustrating, disappointing, and discouraging. What effects my blood glucose? EVERYTHING! Literally. Lack of sleep, too much sleep (sedentary), adrenaline, stress, illness, black coffee, even my own menstrual cycle can cause variations that can be hard to control. Setting goals strictly on numbers don’t give any credit to the fact that T1D deals a lot with hormones and hormones play by their own rules. Just when you think you’ve got the game figured out, the rules change. No day is ever the same.

T1D is the first thing I think about in the morning, even before I open my eyes and the last thing I think about at night. Even in the middle of the night. Every. Single. Day. You have to think about it before driving, exercising, and before any food or drink passes your lips. It is such a huge part of who I am and how I live my life. Don’t get me wrong, living with this is certainly not the worst thing in the world and it is manageable. My point is T1D is so much more than checking your blood sugar and taking insulin. It’s more like a lifestyle that I didn’t choose to have.

While the media is set on associating all diabetics with a pile of donuts and gallons of soda it’s important to note: Type 1 Diabetics are two times more likely to also have a mental health condition or an eating disorder. When I look at the big picture that statistic doesn’t surprise me. There are so many facets to T1D many of which others don’t even take note of. My advice to the people that have a Type 1 in their life? Ask questions! Develop an understanding of the disease process and ask what you can do to help. It was so comforting to hear my best friend ask me how I was doing emotionally after I was admitted to the hospital last week. The emotional aspect is so important especially in those that have a history of mental health issues (such as myself). Sometimes it’s nice to know someone else recognizes when you’re going through a difficult time or to simply hear “good job”. A little goes a long way.